same shit on tumblr: abicarribean.tumblr.com
14315.) I hate you so much sometimes but when I think about it, deep down I can't stand not being apart of your life just like you can't stand not being apart of mine.
(via blogsecret)
I read this quote yesterday morning while i was really bored at work. Since i already had that feeling, i felt like it would soon apply to me.
“For once, all the Querubin girls are taken.”
-angelica
Sorry cousins, i think i’ll be the first to break this chain. But you can say the Cristobal girls are taken.
Over the summer, i’ve always told myself, don’t date your best friend, that’s weird. But, i know people who are dating their best friends, and they turn our just fine. But it would be my luck, for something like dating a best friend, to be a fail. I’ve always thought that i was a nice girl, i can be mean, but generally, nice. I get good grades, I do extra curricular, and i did have a bunch of close friends. Since the beginning of sophomore year, my days have been bad, at times they’ve been good. I can honestly say there aren’t enough good ones to cancel out the bad and dull. You’ve been there a lot since sophomore year and i’ve told you more things than i’ve told abby, alli, and angela put together. Through driving school, weekends, divorces, attempted suicides of close relatives, boys i’ve talked to, almost siblings, accidents, moving, holidays, and a whole lot more. Of course, i appreciate all you’ve done for me, like rides, talking to me, keeping secrets, etc.
Maybe i liked being in a relationship with you because i was comfortable with you. You’ve seen me on my usual days, my worse days, with make up and without. Maybe i like being in a relationship with you because it’s something that was constant and consistent.
Maybe it i like being in a relationship with you cus i’m always left alone. I’m left alone to study, at home and school,i’m left alone at dance shows, the only person i can say hi to is my mom when she’s forced to volunteer, i’m left alone at home in general. My brother gets to see Deby almost everyday and although my parents are divorced, they manage to sleep in the same room (idk whats going on with that, and i don’t think i want to know.) I enjoyed falling asleep on the phone with you cus it made me feel like i wasn’t as alone. But then again, even as your girlfriend, i was still left alone and you have troubles saying things. You couldn’t tell me you promised another girl to homecoming. Friends telling me isn’t the best way. So the night of homecoming, i was left alone. Another thing you couldn’t tell me, you kissed your date on homecoming. Again, having someone else tell me isn’t the best way; it didn’t really matter to me that you kissed her, since i found out two months later, it was the fact that you weren’t the one to tell me. I’ve told you about upcoming dance shows, hoping you’d get the hint to come, i guess you didn’t, cus you weren’t there.
Over winter break, my cousins had a nice idea to go to six flags with all our dates and our younger cousins. Once again, left alone, with my little cousin as my partner. Krista, jon, gel,and presley actually felt bad for me being the cousin without her boyfriend. Considering the nothing i got from you for Christmas, i really wanted you to be there at Six Flags. It wasn’t the fact that i didn’t get a present from you, cus i don’t really care about presents. Even though i’m tired of sixflags, and hate the place just as much as you do, I just wanted you there. I understand that you had to be with your mom that day, but you didn’t even act like you wanted to go for me.
Yes, i do like you more than you like me. Of course i still care for you. Even though i may think at times that you hate me and don’t care, i know deep down, that you do somewhat care and you don’t hate me. Yes, i still want to be friends, because it is better than not having you in my life at all. Let me just re-adjust.
I hope you don’t give me the attitude you have towards your other exes. I hope you don’t think that i’m trying to make you seem like a bad person, cus you’re not.
You don’t need to feel like i just put you on blast or whatever, cus most people didn’t know that i even had a boyfriend.
I don’t hate you, because honestly, i can’t hate anyone.
I just hate that you don’t want a relationship.
I was actually tired before all this and was ready to fall asleep. It’s almost three in the morning, and i can’t sleep. I usually never sleep this late.
This is a long blog that probably no one will finish or even begin reading, but it was definitely relieving. Abby said i should cry my eyes until i can’t cry anymore, i think its come to that point, and maybe i can just fall asleep.
I should have listened to myself when i said dating my best friend is weird, and my grandma too, since she always says, ” Don’t have a boyfriend until college, concentrate on your studies.” Too bad i concentrate on my studies enough to still have a good GPA. Maybe i’ll try to turn those two B’s into A’s.
